Recruiter email fails

I get a LOT of email from recruiters, this is a collection of the strangest:

Hedging their bets:

“We may or may not have spoken in the recent past.”

A bit of desperation?

I know you’re probably thinking “pleeeeease leave me alone” BUT I’m only contacting you because you are fantastic.

The epic essay preamble:

Sometimes I call and people can’t talk because they are sat next to their boss and they tell me to email. Sometimes I email and people complain that it is a very impersonal approach!

Over the years I have analysed and discussed with colleagues what I think is the most effective approach and what I’ve actually concluded is this…
Phone – Email – LinkedIn – Facebook – Text message – Pigeon courier – it is actually completely irrelevant, what it all boils down to is timing. The very fact that I am writing to you now is because I know that you are the type of candidate that my clients would be interested in.

[1 sentence about the job]

So…How was my timing?

More desperation resulting in EXTRA deletion:

I know you get loads of messages – Before you delete this just read the next two lines please

I NEVER want to touch your base:

I have come across your profile and am very interested in touching base with you.

A while? Try never:

I wanted to get in touch as we haven’t spoken in a while.

Oh, well if you lived *near* where I worked then I’m definitely interested:

I noticed your profile and punkchip website this morning and really want to reach out. I used to live really close to Forward’s offices too!

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2 Responses to “Recruiter email fails”

  1. Ed Fairman says:

    I read this article on a whim – your dissection / annotation is spot on (and hilarious)!

    I get recruiter messages all the time. What I absolutely hate, is most of them communicate through LinkedIn, state I’m perfect for their team, yet they fail to read how long I’ve been at my job (2 months, currently) – why would I ever want to go through the recruitment process again?! Also, do they not read my current status? Recruiters butter you up (it’s their nature to), yet fail to read the key points on your profile – that I clearly won’t be looking for any new roles…

    I also never want to touch anyones base…

    Thanks for the insight! Follow me on Twitter if you fancy: @eabfairman

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